you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
