we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
