guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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