If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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