I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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