I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
