Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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