well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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