man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
