Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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