Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
