woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize