My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have demons in me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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