wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
