Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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