Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
