You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
