Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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