I think my vagina is haunted
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
