If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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