I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
