Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
