My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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