Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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