If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
