you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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