Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
3pm strippers are depressing
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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