I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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