i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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