i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
