k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
