He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
