Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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