Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?