dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.