Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
