is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza