No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash