Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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