Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
