How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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