I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
