My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
