last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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