Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
