Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
