Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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