I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
