first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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