Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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