big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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