What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
