im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to fling myself into the sun
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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