He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to calm my uterus...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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