how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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