i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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