She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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