I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
