the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
