just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
