He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
