I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
