Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
