Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
