Life is so much better after having sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
