I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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