She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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