a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
