I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
