it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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