My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
