You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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