How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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