I'm gonna have a badass scar
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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