i permit you to call me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize