Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
