a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
