If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
