My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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