I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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