And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
