FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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