yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
