Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize