If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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