I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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