apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
