Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i think im in europe. pls send help
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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